Off topic, but awesome

Breaking from the norm, here's pretty much the best song ever played, by Dave and Bela Fleck.
Almost as good as his version of #41 he did with Tim Reynolds.

A polite way to tell someone to quit their bitching

Our very reserved, quiet, friendly, and female staff accountant totally rocked Jeff the IT guy.

Jeff: Ugh, my stomach is killing me. I'm all achey, I feel like crap.
Tina (from another cubicle): I have Midol if you'd like.

Totally put in his place, Jeff skulked his way back to the IT room.

pwned.

Great line from flaming Trek legend

A line from the openly gay George Takei's response to Hardaway:

"We especially like your smooth, chocolate head, glazed in man-sweat"

Watch the movie

Professional Bio

During this concepting phase of a game, the dev team usually puts together documents outlining the team's strength's and weaknesses, and each team members bio. Most are lengthy, listing all their game creds, degrees, yadda yadda yadda. Here's the one my boss wrote for me:

Gary - Associate Producer
Gary holds a B.S. in Marketing from Bentley College. He joined the team in 2005 and despite his flagrant sense of humor he served with distinction on **** (2006) and various projects in development. Gary drinks tea from a gourd and harbors a fondness for stuffed squirrels.

Clearly I'm a rising star, such that my drinking habits and enjoyment of taxidermied mammals concludes my professional biography.

One bad Apple

In an odd parallel to current events of the last few years, a single maverick renegade has given a bad rap for an entire species. The following news story tells the tale of a rogue squirrel who terrorized a 777 flying between Tokyo and Dallas and wound up grounding the plane, and later being put to death.

Now all squirrels will be subject to racial profiling. Thanks a lot.

Original Article

Of Prostitutes and Business Cards

In Vegas, everywhere you go there are people handing out little cards advertising "strippers" that will come to your hotel within 20 minutes for 38-79$. What is great is that you can walk around all night just collecting these little gems and put together a nice little deck of cards. What can you do with these things? Everything!

You can hide them in peoples drawers in their kitchen, put them in their luggage so when they go through security at the airport the people find little pictures of naked hookers all over your stuff. You can blanket your friends bed with them when hes on the way home with his girlfriend.

Some more ideas:

• Put them in books at the library
• Go to the Baby Gap and put them in the pockets of the overalls
• Swap them out with someones real business cards
• Put them in the sandwiches next time your office orders lunch for everyone
• Inside pizza boxes!
• Go to a funeral and mix them in with the prayer cards (waiting to be struck by lightning after typing that...)
• Borrow someones wallet and put one next to all his credit cards and license.
• Stick one inside all the plastic bags at a grocery store.
  

Thats all I can really think of.
Right now I have a stack of about 300 just waiting to be used.

People are gullible

The other night at bowling I sneezed, and one guy bowling against us goes: "Ah, you have something?" to which I reply - "Yeah, Hepatitis".

He was like, "Really? In your nose?"

"Yeah, my nose has hepatitis. "

I give this guy credit in that he's much older, and comes from a generation where diseases weren't as hilarious as they are now. But this next example of my exploitation of gullibility is far more astounding:

Dan's Xmas party, December 2006. I'm chatting with 2 gentlemen, not much older than myself. Both college educated (now that i think of it, both were Holy Cross alum, like most of dan's friends).
We were talking about how cold it was out, and I proclaimed that I once got stuck in the cold myself, and was forced to sleep inside of a dead horse. I immediately recount the scene from Empire Strikes back where Han sticks Luke inside of a dead Tauntaun, switching out the names and replacing "Lightsaber" with "pocketknife", and "Hoth" with "Hubbardston, MA". These guys had been drinking, and followed the story intently, amazed at my story of survival. After the 8th time they said "Really? Wow! Really?" I yelled "No fucking way, are you kidding me? Do you really think I crawled inside of a horse to stay warm?"

I guess thats not that fair either, since they were kinda drunk. I'll try to remember more times that I've F'd with people's H's.